The Last Train Home by Elle Cook

Author:Elle Cook [Cook, Elle]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781529157772
Published: 2023-10-04T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 42

Abbie

‘Say something, for God’s sake.’

He’s not speaking, why isn’t he speaking? I’m an idiot. I’ve put my heart on the line. I’ve confessed too much.

‘And now?’ he says slowly.

‘And now what?’ I ask. I don’t understand the question.

‘You don’t love me now?’ he says carefully. His eyes are scanning mine.

I don’t want to say it. I don’t want to say what I’m feeling, because I love Sean. I do. I love him. But I love Tom too. I thought I didn’t. I thought the feelings that had grown between us would diminish. But they haven’t.

I could lie. Or I could tell the truth.

‘Yes,’ I whisper.

‘Yes?’ he asks quickly. ‘Yes, you do love me?’

He’s stepped forward. If he comes any closer I think I’m going to collapse. I don’t know how my legs are holding me up. ‘Yes, yes, I do love you.’ Oh God, make it stop. Why am I doing this?

Tom breathes in sharply, rubs his hand over the stubble on his face. I’m pressed against the fridge. I’ve got nowhere to go, to get away from this awful situation I’ve just created. Why did I have to do this?

‘Say something,’ I beg. ‘Even if you’re only telling me to get out.’

‘I’m not going to tell you that,’ he says after a painfully long silence in which he’s been analysing the floor.

I’m not sure what I expect him to do. What can he do? We can’t do anything. Even though we can’t do anything, I simply want to hear him say—

‘I love you.’ He’s running his teeth over his lower lip and he’s lifted his gaze, staring straight at me.

Tom loves me. Everything feels brighter. And now I know it’s about to get darker.

‘I’m in love with you,’ he says, his gaze holds mine, and I know tears are about to come again and I can’t let them. I do my absolute best to stop the lump in my throat from getting the better of me. He’s looking at me, his expression pained. He looks like he’s got tears in his eyes. And mine arrive again, because my eyes blur and I can’t see him any more, only a faint outline. I blink the tears away.

He steps forward and gently touches my cheek, silently wiping my tears away with his fingertips.

‘Abbie,’ he says and his voice catches.

‘I know,’ I soothe.

He doesn’t speak, just watches me. I want him to kiss me. I don’t want him to kiss me. I wish I’d never come here.

‘We can’t …’ His gaze drifts towards my mouth.

‘I know,’ I repeat. But I don’t know. I don’t know anything any more.

On the mat Teddy wakes, cries out for Tom, and I watch this man I love back away from me slowly, reluctantly, before his gaze disconnects from mine and he turns towards his son.

‘It’s OK, Teddy,’ he says, ‘Daddy’s here.’ He moves around the kitchen island towards his baby.

I’m a mixture of emotions. Bereft, devastated, relieved we didn’t go further. I think of Sean. ‘Oh God,’ I say.

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